CHAPTER 2

steedasapreliminarytotheachievementofgreatfeatsofvalourandloyalty,removedhiseyesfromtheceilingandsubsidedintoproseagain. ‘Fred,’saidMrSwivellerstoppingshort,asiftheideahadsuddenlyoccurredtohim,andspeakinginthesameaudiblewhisperasbefore,‘istheoldminfriendly?’ ‘Whatdoesitmatter?’returnedhisfriendpeevishly. ‘No,butishe?’saidDick. ‘Yes,ofcourse.WhatdoIcarewhetherheisornot?’ Emboldenedasitseemedbythisreplytoenterintoamoregeneralconversation,MrSwivellerplainlylaidhimselfouttocaptivateourattention. Hebeganbyremarkingthatsoda-water,thoughagoodthingintheabstract,wasapttoliecolduponthestomachunlessqualifiedwithginger,orasmallinfusionofbrandy,whichlatterarticleheheldtobepreferableinallcases,savingfortheoneconsiderationofexpense.Nobodyventuringtodisputethesepositions,heproceededtoobservethatthehumanhairwasagreatretaineroftobacco-smoke,andthattheyounggentlemenofWestminsterandEton,aftereatingvastquantitiesofapplestoconcealanyscentofcigarsfromtheiranxiousfriends,wereusuallydetectedinconsequenceoftheirheadspossessingthisremarkablepropertywhenheconcludedthatiftheRoyalSocietywouldturntheirattentiontothecircumstance,andendeavourtofindintheresourcesofscienceameansofpreventingsuchuntowardrevelations,theymightindeedbelookeduponasbenefactorstomankind.Theseopinionsbeingequallyincontrovertiblewiththosehehadalreadypronounced,hewentontoinformusthatJamaicarum,thoughunquestionablyanagreeablespiritofgreatrichnessandflavour,hadthedrawbackofremainingconstantlypresenttothetastenextdayandnobodybeingventurousenoughtoarguethispointeither,heincreasedinconfidenceandbecameyetmorecompanionableandcommunicative. ‘It’sadevilofathing,gentlemen,’saidMrSwiveller,‘whenrelationsfalloutanddisagree.Ifthewingoffriendshipshouldnevermoultafeather,thewingofrelationshipshouldneverbeclipped,butbealwaysexpandedandserene.Whyshouldagrandsonandgrandfatherpegawayateachotherwithmutualwiolencewhenallmightbeblissandconcord.Whynotjinehandsandforgitit?’ ‘Holdyourtongue,’saidhisfriend. ‘Sir,’repliedMrSwiveller,‘don’tyouinterruptthechair.Gentlemen,howdoesthecasestand,uponthepresentoccasion?Hereisajollyoldgrandfather—Isayitwiththeutmostrespect—andhereisawild,younggrandson.Thejollyoldgrandfathersaystothewildyounggrandson,“Ihavebroughtyouupandeducatedyou,FredIhaveputyouinthewayofgettingoninlifeyouhaveboltedalittleoutofcourse,asyoungfellowsoftendoandyoushallneverhaveanother