CHAPTER XI

owwhenithasbeengiven.Wedonotforget,thoughwemayseemto.Kindness,morekindness,andevenafterthatmorekindness.Iassureyouitistheonlyhope.”Hisvoiceseemedtoarisefromadream.Alteringit,yetstilldeepbelowhisnormalsurface,hesaid,“Wecan’tbuildupIndiaexceptonwhatwefeel.Whatistheuseofallthesereforms,andConciliationCommitteesforMohurram,andshallwecutthetaziashortorshallwecarryitanotherroute,andCouncilsofNotablesandofficialpartieswheretheEnglishsneeratourskins?” “It’sbeginningatthewrongend,isn’tit?Iknow,butinstitutionsandthegovernmentsdon’t.”Helookedagainatthephotograph.Theladyfacedtheworldatherhusband’swishandherown,buthowbewilderingshefoundit,theechoingcontradictoryworld! “Putheraway,sheisofnoimportance,sheisdead,”saidAzizgently.“IshowedhertoyoubecauseIhavenothingelsetoshow.Youmaylookroundthewholeofmybungalownow,andemptyeverything.Ihavenoothersecrets,mythreechildrenliveawaywiththeirgrandmamma,andthatisall.” Fieldingsatdownbythebed,flatteredatthetrustreposedinhim,yetrathersad.Hefeltold.Hewishedthathetoocouldbecarriedawayonwavesofemotion.Thenexttimetheymet,Azizmightbecautiousandstandoffish.Herealizedthis,anditmadehimsadthatheshouldrealizeit.Kindness,kindness,andmorekindness—yes,thathemightsupply,butwasthatreallyallthatthequeernationneeded?Diditnotalsodemandanoccasionalintoxicationoftheblood?Whathadhedonetodeservethisoutburstofconfidence,andwhathostagecouldhegiveinexchange?Helookedbackathisownlife.Whatapoorcropofsecretsithadproduced!Therewerethingsinitthathehadshowntonoone,buttheyweresouninteresting,itwasn’tworthwhileliftingapurdahontheiraccount.He’dbeeninlove,engagedtobemarried,ladybrokeitoff,memoriesofherandthoughtsaboutherhadkepthimfromotherwomenforatimethenindulgence,followedbyrepentanceandequilibrium.Meagrereallyexcepttheequilibrium,andAzizdidn’twanttohavethatconfidedtohim—hewouldhavecalledit“everythingrangedcoldlyonshelves.” “Ishallnotreallybeintimatewiththisfellow,”Fieldingthought,andthen“norwithanyone.”Thatwasthecorollary.Andhehadtoconfessthathereallydidn’tmind,thathewascontenttohelppeople,andlikethemaslongastheydidn’tobject,andiftheyobjectedpassonserenely.Experiencecandomuch,andallthathehadlearntinEnglandandEuropew