CHAPTER IX

hedarkesthourspass,andjustastheconcerneddiocesewasbeginningtofearappendicitisforhim,unableinanyotherwaytoaccountforthewayheremainedinvisible,heemergedfromhisfirstindignationintoachillierregioninwhich,stillmuchlockedinhischamber,hesoughtanoutletinprayer. Abishop,andindeedanytrulygoodandpublicman,isrestrictedinhisoutlets.Hecanwithproprietyhaveonlytwo—prayerandhiswifeandinthiscasethewifewasunavailablebecauseofhersofa.ForthefirsttimetheBishopdefinitelyresentedthesofa.Hetoldhimselfthatthewifeofaprelate,howeverailing—andhebelievedwithaman'ssimplicityonsuchpointsthatshedidail—hadnobusinesstobeinaccessibletorealconversation.Withnooneelseonearthexcepthiswifecanaprelateoranyothertrulygoodandpublicmanhaverealconversationwithoutlosingdignity,or,iftheconversationshouldbecomeveryreal,withoutlosingoffice.Thatiswhymostprelatesaremarried.Thebestmenwishtoberealattimes. WhenIngeborgstrippedoffherdeferences,and,afterhavingmostscandalouslyrunawayandmostscandalouslyentangledherselfwithanalienclericalrogue,hadthefacetoholdupherhandsathimandaccusehim,accusehim,herfather,ofbeingthecauseoftheirshaking,theBishophadbeenasmuchhorrifiedasifhisowngardenpathonwhichhehadtroddenpleasantlyforyearshadrentitselfasunderathisfeetandgapedathim.Hehadmadethepathhehadpaidtohaveittidiedandadornedandherequiredofitinreturnthatitshouldkeepquietandbeuseful.Tohaveitconvulsedintoanearthquakeanditsusefulnessinterruptedmustbesomebody'sfault,andhisinstinctveryproperlywastogotohiswifeandtellheritwashers. Buttherewasthesofa. Hedesiredtoconversewithhiswife.Hehadanintolerabledesireforevenasfewasfiveminutes'realconversationwithher.HewantedtotalkaboutthemannerinwhichIngeborgmusthavebeenbroughtup,abouttheamountofpunishmentshehadreceivedinchildhoodhewishedtobeinformedastotheexactnatureoftheparticipationhermotherhadtakeninhermoraleducationhewishedtodiscusstheresponsibilityofmothers,andtoexplainhisviewsontheconsequencesofmaternalneglectandhewanted,too,todrawhiswife'sattentiontothefactsheeasilyapparentlyoverlooked,thathehadbestowedanamegrowncelebratedonher,andaroofthatthroughhisgiftsandGod'smercywasnotanordinarybutapalaceroof,andthatinreturntheleasthemightexpect....Inshort,hewantedtotalk. Butwhendrivenbyhisurgencieshewenttoherroomtobreakdownthebarricadeofthesofa,hefoundnotonlyRichardshoveringtheretactfully,butthedoctorforMrs.Bullivanthadforeseenherhusband'sprobabledesireforconversation,andthedoctor,awell-trainedman,wasintheactofprescribingcompletesilence. Itwasthenthat,thwartedanddebarredfromtheoutletamanprefers,hesoughthisotheroutlet,andlaidallthesedistressfulmattersinprayeratthefeetofheaven.Onhiskneesinhischamberheearnestlybeggedforgivenessforhisdescenttonaturalness,andarestorationofhisself-respect.Withouthisself-respectwhatwouldbecomeofhim?Hehadlivedwithitsointimatelyandlong.Ferventlyhedesiredthemoltenmomentsinwhichhishandshadtwitched,wipedout,andforgotten.Heaskedforhelptoconducthimselfhenceforthwithcalm.Heimploredtobegivenpatience.Heimploredtobegivenself-control.Andpresently,aftertwodaysofhissparemomentsspentinthismanner,hewassittinguponachairandtellinghimselfthatthemainobjectiontopraying,ifonemightsa