CHAPTER VI.

lintoapassionoffearhadbeenmortifyingtoher,andwishedhertounderstandthathetookitforgoodacting.Gwendolencherishedtheideathatnowhewasstruckwithhertalentaswellasherbeauty,andheruneasinessabouthisopinionwashalfturnedtocomplacency. Buttoomanywereinthesecretofwhathadbeenincludedintherehearsals,andwhathadnot,andnoonebesidesKlesmertookthetroubletosootheGwendolen’simaginedmortification.Thegeneralsentimentwasthattheincidentshouldbeletdrop. Therehadreallybeenamediumconcernedinthestartingopenofthepanel:onewhohadquittedtheroominhasteandcrepttobedinmuchalarmofconscience.ItwasthesmallIsabel,whoseintensecuriosity,unsatisfiedbythebriefglimpseshehadhadofthestrangepictureonthedayofarrivalatOffendene,hadkeptheronthewatchforanopportunityoffindingoutwhereGwendolenhadputthekey,ofstealingitfromthediscovereddrawerwhentherestofthefamilywereout,andgettingonastooltounlockthepanel.Whileshewasindulgingherthirstforknowledgeinthisway,anoisewhichshefearedwasanapproachingfootstepalarmedher:sheclosedthedoorandattemptedhurriedlytolockit,butfailingandnotdaringtolinger,shewithdrewthekeyandtrustedthatthepanelwouldstick,asitseemedwellinclinedtodo.Inthisconfidenceshehadreturnedthekeytoitsformerplace,stillinganyanxietybythethoughtthatifthedoorwerediscoveredtobeunlockednobodywouldknowhowtheunlockingcameabout.TheinconvenientIsabel,likeotheroffenders,didnotforeseeherownimpulsetoconfession,afatalitywhichcameuponherthemorningaftertheparty,whenGwendolensaidatthebreakfast-table,“Iknowthedoorwaslockedbeforethehousekeepergavemethekey,forItrieditmyselfafterward.Someonemusthavebeentomydrawerandtakenthekey.” ItseemedtoIsabelthatGwendolen’sawfuleyeshadrestedonhermorethanontheothersisters,andwithoutanytimeforresolve,shesaid,withatremblinglip: “Pleaseforgiveme,Gwendolen.” TheforgivenesswassoonerbestowedthanitwouldhavebeenifGwendolenhadnotdesiredtodismissfromherownandeveryoneelse’smemoryanycaseinwhichshehadshownhersusceptibilitytoterror.Shewonderedatherselfintheseoccasionalexperiences,whichseemedlikeabriefrememberedmadness,anunexplainedexceptionfromhernormallifeandinthisinstanceshefeltapeculiarvexationthatherhelplessfearhadshownitself,not,asusual,insolitude,butinwell-litcompany.Heridealwastobedaringinspeechandrecklessinbravingdangers,bothmoralandphysicalandthoughherpracticefellfarbehindherideal,thisshortcomingseemedtobeduetothepettinessofcircumstances,thenarrowtheatrewhichlifeofferstoagirloftwenty,whocannotconceiveherselfasanythingelsethanalady,orasinanypositionwhichwouldlackthetributeofrespect.Shehadnopermanentconsciousnessofotherfetters,orofmorespiritualrestraints,havingalwaysdislikedwhateverwaspresentedtoherunderthenameofreligion,inthesamewaythatsomepeopledislikearithmeticandaccounts:ithadraisednootheremotioninher,noalarm,nolongingsothatthequestionwhethershebelievedithadnotoccurredtoheranymorethanithadoccurredtohertoinquireintotheconditionsofcolonialpropertyandbanking,onwhich,asshehadhadmanyopportunitiesofknowing,thefamilyfortunewasdependent.Allthesefactsaboutherselfshewouldhavebeenreadytoadmit,andeven,moreorlessindirectly,tostate.Whatsheunwillinglyrecognized,andwouldhavebeengladforotherstobeunawareof,wasthatliabilityofherstofitsofspiritualdread,thoughthisfountainofawewithinherhadnotfounditswayintoconnectionwiththereligiontaughtherorwithanyhumanrelations.Shewasashamedandfrightened,asatwhatmighthappenagain,inrememberinghertremoronsuddenlyfeelingherselfalone,when,forexample,shewaswalkingwithoutcompanionshipandtherecamesomerapidchangeinthelight.Solitudeinanywidesceneimpressedherwithanundefinedfeelingofimmeasurableexistencealooffromher,inthemidstofwhichshewashelplesslyincapableofassertingherself.Thelittleastronomytaughtheratschoolusedsometimestosetherimaginationatworkinawaythatmadehertremble:butalwayswhensomeonejoinedhersherecoveredherindifferencetothevastnessinwhichsheseemedanexileshefoundagainherusualworldinwhichherwillwasofsomeavail,andthereligiousnomenclaturebelongingtothisworldwasnomoreidentifiedforherwiththoseuneasyimpressionsofawethanheruncle’ssurplicesseenoutofuseattherectory.Withhumanearsandeyesabouther,shehadalwayshithertorecoveredherconfidence,andfeltthepossibilityofwinningempire. Tohermammaandothersherfitsoftimidityorterrorweresufficientlyaccountedforbyher“sensitiveness”orthe“excitabilityofhernature”buttheseexplanatoryphrasesrequiredconciliationwithmuchthatseemedtobeblankindifferenceorrareself-mastery.Heatisagreatagentandausefulword,butconsideredasameansofexplainingtheuniverseitrequiresanextensiveknowledgeofdifferencesandasameansofexplainingcharacter“sensitiveness”isinmuchthesamepredicament.Butwho,lovingacreaturelikeGwendolen,wouldnotbeinclinedtoregardeverypeculiarityinherasamarkofpre-eminence?ThatwaswhatRexdid.AftertheHermionescenehewasmorepersuadedthaneverthatshemustbeinstinctwithallfeeling,andnotonlyreadiertorespondtoaworshipfullove,butabletolovebetterthanothergirls.Rexfeltthesummeronhisyoungwingsandsoaredhappily.