CHAPTER XXXIV

sidehiminhiswoodlandprowls.Sheknewhecouldneverloveher.Shedidnotevenwanthimto.Ifhelovedherhewouldbeunhappywhenshedied—Valancyneverflinchedfromtheplainword.No“passingaway”forher.Andshedidnotwanthimtobetheleastunhappy.Butneitherdidshewanthimtobeglad—orrelieved.Shewantedhimtolikeherandmissherasagoodchum.Butshehadneverbeensureuntilthisnightthathedid. Theyhadwalkedoverthehillsinthesunset.Theyhadthedelightofdiscoveringavirginspringinafernyhollowandhaddrunktogetherfromitoutofabirch-barkcuptheyhadcometoanoldtumble-downrailfenceandsatonitforalongtime.Theydidn’ttalkmuch,butValancyhadacurioussenseofoneness.Sheknewthatshecouldn’thavefeltthatifhehadn’tlikedher. “Younicelittlething,”saidBarneysuddenly.“Oh,younicelittlething!SometimesIfeelyou’retoonicetobereal—thatI’mjustdreamingyou.” “Whycan’tIdienow—thisveryminute—whenIamsohappy!”thoughtValancy. Well,itcouldn’tbesoverylongnow.Somehow,ValancyhadalwaysfeltshewouldliveouttheyearDr.Trenthadallotted.Shehadnotbeencareful—shehadnevertriedtobe.But,somehow,shehadalwayscountedonlivingoutheryear.Shehadnotletherselfthinkaboutitatall.Butnow,sittingherebesideBarney,withherhandinhis,asuddenrealisationcametoher.Shehadnothadaheartattackforalongwhile—twomonthsatleast.ThelastoneshehadhadwastwoorthreenightsbeforeBarneywasoutinthestorm.Sincethenshehadnotrememberedshehadaheart.Well,nodoubt,itbetokenedthenearnessoftheend.Naturehadgivenupthestruggle.Therewouldbenomorepain. “I’mafraidheavenwillbeverydullafterthispastyear,”thoughtValancy.“Butperhapsonewillnotremember.Wouldthatbe—nice?No,no.Idon’twanttoforgetBarney.I’dratherbemiserableinheavenrememberinghimthanhappyforgettinghim.AndI’llalwaysrememberthroughalleternity—thathereally,reallylikedme.”