CHAPTER IX

UncleHerbertandAuntAlberta’ssilverweddingwasdelicatelyreferredtoamongtheStirlingsduringthefollowingweeksas“thetimewefirstnoticedpoorValancywas—alittle—youunderstand?” NotforworldswouldanyoftheStirlingshavesaidoutandoutatfirstthatValancyhadgonemildlyinsaneoreventhathermindwasslightlyderanged.UncleBenjaminwasconsideredtohavegoneentirelytoofarwhenhehadejaculated,“She’sdippy—Itellyou,she’sdippy,”andwasonlyexcusedbecauseoftheoutrageousnessofValancy’sconductattheaforesaidweddingdinner. ButMrs.FrederickandCousinStickleshadnoticedafewthingsthatmadethemuneasybeforethedinner.Ithadbegunwiththerosebush,ofcourseandValancyneverwasreally“quiteright”again.Shedidnotseemtoworryintheleastoverthefactthathermotherwasnotspeakingtoher.Youwouldneversupposeshenoticeditatall.ShehadflatlyrefusedtotakeeitherPurplePillsorRedfern’sBitters.Shehadannouncedcoollythatshedidnotintendtoanswertothenameof“Doss”anylonger.ShehadtoldCousinSticklesthatshewishedshewouldgiveupwearingthatbroochwithCousinArtemasStickles’hairinit.Shehadmovedherbedinherroomtotheoppositecorner.ShehadreadMagicofWingsSundayafternoon.WhenCousinStickleshadrebukedherValancyhadsaidindifferently,“Oh,IforgotitwasSunday”—andhadgoneonreadingit. CousinStickleshadseenaterriblething—shehadcaughtValancyslidingdownthebannister.CousinSticklesdidnottellMrs.Frederickthis