CHAPTER XXXIV

landinfrequentshehadnowantsandnocuriosity.AnditwasallputdowntopoorHenry’saccount!Henry,longpardonedbyhiswife,wasstilltooinfamoustobegreetedbyhissister-in-law.Itwasmorbid,and,toheralarm,MargaretfanciedthatshecouldtracethegrowthofmorbiditybackinHelen’slifefornearlyfouryears.TheflightfromOnitontheunbalancedpatronageoftheBaststheexplosionofgriefupontheDowns—allconnectedwithPaul,aninsignificantboywhoselipshadkissedhersforafractionoftime.MargaretandMrs.Wilcoxhadfearedthattheymightkissagain.Foolishly—therealdangerwasreaction.ReactionagainsttheWilcoxeshadeatenintoherlifeuntilshewasscarcelysane.Attwenty-fiveshehadanideefixe.Whathopewasthereforherasanoldwoman? ThemoreMargaretthoughtaboutitthemorealarmedshebecame.Formanymonthsshehadputthesubjectaway,butitwastoobigtobeslightednow.Therewasalmostataintofmadness.WereallHelen’sactionstobegovernedbyatinymishap,suchasmayhappentoanyyoungmanorwoman?Canhumannaturebeconstructedonlinessoinsignificant?TheblunderinglittleencounteratHowardsEndwasvital.Itpropagateditselfwheregraverintercourselaybarrenitwasstrongerthansisterlyintimacy,strongerthanreasonorbooks.InoneofhermoodsHelenhadconfessedthatshestill“enjoyed”itinacertainsense.Paulhadfaded,butthemagicofhiscaressendured.Andwherethereisenjoymentofthepasttheremayalsobereaction—propagationatbothends. Well,itisoddandsadthatourmindsshouldbesuchseed-beds,andwewithoutpowertochoosetheseed.Butmanisanodd,sadcreatureasyet,intentonpilferingtheearth,andheedlessofthegrowthswithinhimself.Hecannotbeboredaboutpsychology.Heleavesittothespecialist,whichisasifheshouldleavehisdinnertobeeatenbyasteam-engine.Hecannotbebotheredtodigesthisownsoul.MargaretandHelenhavebeenmorepatient,anditissuggestedthatMargarethassucceeded—sofarassuccessisyetpossible.Shedoesunderstandherself,shehassomerudimentarycontroloverherowngrowth.WhetherHelenhassucceededonecannotsay. ThedaythatMrs.MuntralliedHelen’sletterarrived.ShehadposteditatMunich,andwouldbeinLondonherselfonthemorrow.Itwasadisquietingletter,thoughtheopeningwasaffectionateandsane. “DEARESTMEG, “GiveHelen’slovetoAuntJuley.TellherthatIlove,andhavelovedhereversinceIcanremember.IshallbeinLondonThursday. “Myaddresswillbecareofthebankers.Ihavenotyetsettledonahotel,sowriteorwiretomethereandgivemedetailednews.IfAuntJuleyismuchbetter,orif,foraterriblereason,itwouldbenogoodmycomingdowntoSwanage,youmustnotthinkitoddifIdonotcome.Ihaveallsortsofplansinmyhead.Iamlivingabroadatpresent,andwanttogetbackasquicklyaspossible.Willyoupleasetellmewhereourfurnitureis?Ishouldliketotakeoutoneortwobookstherestareforyou. “Forgiveme,dearestMeg.Thismustreadlikeratheratiresomeletter,butalllettersarefromyourloving “HELEN.” Itwasatiresomeletter,forittemptedMargarettotellalie.IfshewrotethatAuntJuleywasstillindangerhersisterwouldcome.Unhealthinessiscontagious.Wecannotbeincontactwiththosewhoareinamorbidstatewithoutourselvesdeteriorating.To“actforthebest”mightdoHelengood,butwoulddoherselfharm,and,attherisk