CHAPTER XIX

hinglikethat,”sobbedHelen.Andshebrokerightawayandwandereddistractedlyupwards,stretchingherhandstowardstheviewandcrying. “What’shappenedtoyou?”calledMargaret,followingthroughthewindthatgathersatsundownonthenorthernslopesofhills.“Butit’sstupid!”Andsuddenlystupidityseizedher,andtheimmenselandscapewasblurred.ButHelenturnedback. “Idon’tknowwhat’shappenedtoeitherofus,”saidMargaret,wipinghereyes.“Wemustbothhavegonemad.”ThenHelenwipedhers,andtheyevenlaughedalittle. “Lookhere,sitdown.” “AllrightI’llsitdownifyou’llsitdown.” “There.(Onekiss.)Now,whatever,whateveristhematter?” “IdomeanwhatIsaid.Don’titwouldn’tdo.” “Oh,Helen,stopsaying‘don’t’!It’signorant.It’sasifyourheadwasn’toutoftheslime.‘Don’t’isprobablywhatMrs.BastsaysallthedaytoMr.Bast.” Helenwassilent. “Well?” “Tellmeaboutitfirst,andmeanwhileperhapsI’llhavegotmyheadoutoftheslime.” “That’sbetter.Well,whereshallIbegin?WhenIarrivedatWaterloo—no,I’llgobackbeforethat,becauseI’manxiousyoushouldknoweverythingfromthefirst.The‘first’wasabouttendaysago.ItwasthedayMr.Bastcametoteaandlosthistemper.Iwasdefendinghim,andMr.Wilcoxbecamejealousaboutme,howeverslightly.Ithoughtitwastheinvoluntarything,whichmencan’thelpanymorethanwecan.Youknow—atleast,Iknowinmyowncase—whenamanhassaidtome,‘So-and-so’saprettygirl,’IamseizedwithamomentarysournessagainstSo-and-so,andlongtotweakherear.It’satiresomefeeling,butnotanimportantone,andoneeasilymanagesit.Butitwasn’tonlythisinMr.Wilcox’scase,Igathernow.” “Thenyoulovehim?” Margaretconsidered.“Itiswonderfulknowingthatarealmancaresforyou,”shesaid.“Themerefactofthatgrowsmoretremendous.Remember,I’veknownandlikedhimsteadilyfornearlythreeyears.” “Butlovedhim?” Margaretpeeredintoherpast.Itispleasanttoanalysefeelingswhiletheyarestillonlyfeelings,andunembodiedinthesocialfabric.WithherarmroundHelen,andhereyesshiftingovertheview,asifthiscountryorthatcouldrevealthesecretofherownheart,shemeditatedhonestly,andsaid,“No.” “Butyouwill?” “Yes,”saidMargaret,“ofthatI’mprettysure.Indeed,Ibeganthemomenthespoketome.” “Andhavesettledtomarryhim?” “Ihad,butamwantingalongtalkaboutitnow.Whatisitagainsthim,Helen?Youmusttryandsay.” Helen,inherturn,lookedoutwards.“ItiseversincePaul,”shesaidfinally. “ButwhathasMr.WilcoxtodowithPaul?” “Buthewasthere,theywerealltherethatmorningwhenIcamedowntobreakfast,andsawthatPaulwasfrightened—themanwholovedmefrightenedandallhisparaphernaliafallen,sothatIknewitwasimpossible,becausepersonalrelationsaretheimportantthingforeverandever,andnotthisouterlifeoftelegramsandanger.” Shepouredthesentenceforthinonebreath,buthersisterunderstoodit,becauseittouchedonthoughtsthatwerefamiliarbetweenthem. “That’sfoolish.Inthefirstplace,Idisagreeabouttheouterlife.Well,we’veoftenarguedthat.Therealpointisthatthereisthewidestgulfbetweenmylove-makin