CHAPTER XXVI. A BURIAL.

ed. ThistimetherewasnoDr.Johntowhomtohaverecourse:therewasnoonetowhomIdaredwhisperthewords,“Ihaveagainseenthenun.” PaulinaMarysoughtmyfrequentpresenceintheRueCrécy.IntheoldBrettondays,thoughshehadneverprofessedherselffondofme,mysocietyhadsoonbecometoherasortofunconsciousnecessary.IusedtonoticethatifIwithdrewtomyroom,shewouldspeedilycometrottingafterme,andopeningthedoorandpeepingin,say,withherlittleperemptoryaccent,—“Comedown.Whydoyousitherebyyourself?Youmustcomeintotheparlour.” Inthesamespiritsheurgedmenow—“LeavetheRueFossette,”shesaid,“andcomeandlivewithus.PapawouldgiveyoufarmorethanMadameBeckgivesyou.” Mr.Homehimselfofferedmeahandsomesum—thricemypresentsalary—ifIwouldaccepttheofficeofcompaniontohisdaughter.Ideclined.IthinkIshouldhavedeclinedhadIbeenpoorerthanIwas,andwithscantierfundofresource,morestintednarrownessoffutureprospect.Ihadnotthatvocation.IcouldteachIcouldgivelessonsbuttobeeitheraprivategovernessoracompanionwasunnaturaltome.Ratherthanfilltheformerpostinanygreathouse,Iwoulddeliberatelyhavetakenahousemaid’splace,boughtastrongpairofgloves,sweptbedroomsandstaircases,andcleanedstovesandlocks,inpeaceandindependence.Ratherthanbeacompanion,Iwouldhavemadeshirtsandstarved. Iwasnobrightlady’sshadow—notMissdeBassompierre’s.OvercastenoughitwasmynatureoftentobeofasubduedhabitIwas:butthedimnessanddepressionmustbothbevoluntary—suchaskeptmedocileatmydesk,inthemidstofmynowwell-accustomedpupilsinMadameBeck’sfirstclasseoralone,atmyownbedside,inherdormitory,orinthealleyandseatwhichwerecalledmine,inhergarden:myqualificationswerenotconvertible,noradaptabletheycouldnotbemadethefoilofanygem,theadjunctofanybeauty,theappendageofanygreatnessinChristendom.MadameBeckandI,withoutassimilating,understoodeachotherwell.Iwasnothercompanion,norherchildren’sgovernesssheleftmefree:shetiedmetonothing—nottoherself—noteventoherinterests:once,whenshehadforafortnightbeencalledfromhomebyanearrelation’sillness,andonherreturn,allanxiousandfullofcareaboutherestablishment,lestsomethinginherabsenceshouldhavegonewrongfindingthatmattershadproceededmuchasusual,andthattherewasnoevidenceofglaringneglect—shemadeeachoftheteachersapresent,inacknowledgmentofsteadiness.Tomybedsideshecameattwelveo’clockatnight,andtoldmeshehadnopresentforme:“ImustmakefidelityadvantageoustotheSt.Pierre,”saidshe“ifIattempttomakeitadvantageoustoyou,therewillarisemisunderstandingbetweenus—perhapsseparation.Onething,however,Icandotopleaseyou—leaveyoualonewithyourliberty:c’est-cequejeferai.”Shekeptherword.Everyslightshackleshehadeverlaidonme,she,fromthattime,withquiethandremoved.ThusIhadpleasureinvoluntarilyrespectingherrules:gratificationindevotingdoubletime,intakingdoublepainswiththepupilsshecommittedtomycharge. AstoMarydeBassompierre,Ivisitedherwithpleasure,thoughIwouldnotlivewithher.Myvisitssoontaughtmethatitwasunlikelyevenmyoccasionalandvoluntarysocietywouldlongbeindispensabletoher.M.deBassompierre,forhispart,seemedimpervioustothisconjecture,blindtothispossibilityunconsciousasanychildtothesigns,thelikelihoods,thefitfulbeginningsofwhat,whenitdrewtoanend,hemightnotapprove. Whetherornothewouldcordiallyapprove,Iusedtospeculate.Difficulttosay.Hewasmuchtakenupwithscientificinterestskeen,intent,andsomewhatoppugnantinwhatconcernedhisfavouritepursuits,butunsuspiciousandtrustfulintheordinaryaffairsoflife.FromallIcouldgather,heseemedtoregardhis“daughterling”asstillbutachild,andprobablyhadnotyetadmittedthenotionthatothersmightlookonherinadifferentlight:hewouldspeakofwhatshouldbedonewhen“Polly”wasawoman,whensheshouldbegrownupand“Polly,”standingbesidehischair,wouldsometimessmileandtakehishonouredheadbetweenherlittlehands,andkisshisiron-greylocksand,atothertimes,shewouldpoutandtosshercurls:butsheneversaid,“Papa,Iamgrownup.” Shehaddifferentmoodsfordifferentpeople.Withherfathershereallywasstillachild,orchild-like,affectionate,merry,andplayful.Withmeshewasserious,andaswomanlyasthoughtandfeelingcouldmakeher.WithMrs.Brettonshewasdocileandreliant,butnotexpansive.WithGrahamshewasshy,atpresentveryshyatmomentsshetriedtobecoldonoccasionsheendeavouredtoshunhim.Hisstepmadeherstarthisentrancehushedherwhenhespoke,heranswersfailedoffluencywhenhetookleave,sheremainedself-vexedanddisconcerted.Evenherfathernoticedthisdemeanourinher. “MylittlePolly,”hesaidonce,“youlivetooretiredalifeifyougrowtobeawomanwiththeseshymanners,youwillhardlybefittedforsociety.YoureallymakequiteastrangerofDr.Bretton:howisthis?Don’tyourememberthat,asalittlegirl,youusedtoberatherpartialtohim?” “Rather,papa,”echoedshe,withherslightlydry,yetgentleandsimpletone. “Andyoudon’tlikehimnow?Whathashedone?” “Nothing.Y—e—s,Ilikehimalittlebutwearegrownstrangetoeachother.” “Thenrubitoff,Pollyrubtherustandthestrangenessoff.Talkawaywhenheishere,andhavenofearofhim?” “Hedoesnottalkmuch.Isheafraidofme,doyouthink,papa?” “Oh,tobesure,whatmanwouldnotbeafraidofsuchalittlesilentlady?” “Thentellhimsomedaynottomindmybeingsilent.Saythatitismyway,andthatIhavenounfriendlyintention.” “Yourway,youlittlechatter-box?Sofarfrombeingyourway,itisonlyyourwhim!” “Well,I’llimprove,papa.” Andveryprettywasthegracewithwhich,thenextday,shetriedtokeepherword.IsawhermaketheefforttoconverseaffablywithDr.Johnongeneraltopics.Theattentioncalledintoherguest’sfaceapleasurableglowhemetherwithcaution,andrepliedtoherinhissoftesttones,asiftherewasakindofgossamerhappinesshangingintheairwhichhefearedtodisturbbydrawingtoodeepabreat